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<title>Thought I Loved You So, Why Did You Go? by valeriousity</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29670153">Thought I Loved You So, Why Did You Go?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/valeriousity/pseuds/valeriousity'>valeriousity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>to all the boys I couldn't keep [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Friends With Benefits, M/M, fubu turned lovers, yoonjin - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:47:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>795</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29670153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/valeriousity/pseuds/valeriousity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The first out of 6, this is for you: Min Yoongi.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Seokjin | Jin/Min Yoongi | Suga</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>to all the boys I couldn't keep [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180271</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Thought I Loved You So, Why Did You Go?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I can't say that I didn't love him because I did. I can't say that it didn't break me when the result left the broken pieces of my heart surrounding me in bed as I wallowed in agony. I can't say it left the story of us undone like how one would begin to unravel a spool of thread but dropped halfway when you found something much stronger or better than the first. I can't say for sure what made me stay or what made me go on. I can't say that it was all a dream for it felt true and real. It pierced my skin but instead of blood, all that poured out were streams of tears and unfinished memoirs dedicated to the person I've killed myself twice for. It's not easy to say that I'm here and I've lived, no. Half of me is still sinking in a pool full of confusion and unspoken words that could've saved me and him. Everything about him was a mystery to the point that he not only made one, he became one.</p><p>I met him outside work at a party with friends. Rather than socialize, he chose to stay to the side and watch it all happen. Not one for a risk taker and chose to look at life by the sidelines but still not missing anything. I took the first approach and at first, it was all good. Talking and drinking booze until his thumb wiped my lower lip and the next thing I knew, he had dragged me upstairs and the rest is something you'd know. Fortunately for me in the morning, he had left but not before writing down his number in the palm of my hand. How cliché can a man get? The next few days happened like a blur. We got to know each other, go on a few dates and become one. He moved in with me and every space of the wall was filled with his artwork. Though we could understand one another, there are times that we chose to be by ourselves. I preferred working with music playing while he chose operas in synchronization. I preferred going outside to explore while he chose to stay indoors in the comfort of our room. Two opposites but safe.</p><p>I don't know how or what happened after the days. It was so fast that I still can't believe it. Day by day, he had chosen to be a recluse and hide from me. Little by little, all his open doors for me have closed and his secrets that stayed in the dark began to show. I never believed that you could fall in love with someone forever but I believe that you could if you tried, at least. He did, I saw that he tried but it wasn't enough. Everything about his hugs, hands and touches didn't feel the same when I found out about them. How he held me was how he held him too. I was no longer his place of warmth. I was no longer home. I was shelter and refuge; the barrier against the cold. He didn't deny the accusations when I asked him about the truth; with a straight face, he told me everything and I listened with open ears but my heart and mind was slowly closing, unable to process and understand as the truth finally came in. I asked him why he chose to do the things he wanted with me with somebody else.</p><p> </p><p>His answer?</p><p>
  <em>"You were too much for me, Seokjin."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>And half of me died. While I was asleep it turns out, he had been moving his things to the other's house. Slowly, he had been removing himself from my life while I struggled to keep him here. When the last bit of his items had been taken away, he didn't hold me. He couldn't touch me. We were just a few inches away but how the hell have a few inches ever seemed so far away? I couldn't touch him nor hold him. It was the most devastating sight I've ever had the glory to behold. He stared at me with eyes that looked so deep into mine but behind his, there were sorrow and when the door closed, the sound of the door locking broke me and I knelt and cried, staying there and holding myself for God knows how long because I tried. I tried so hard. So badly. So terribly to make the man I loved stay.</p><p> </p><p>It still hurts me, until now. Smudges and stains of his paint still call to me on the walls. Other messes still greeted me in the morn. There are questions best left unanswered.</p><p>But maybe my question deserved one.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope you enjoy! give me some feedback so I can improve!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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